Animal Farm, Excerpt 1

Immodest, adj. Having a strong sense of one's own merit, coupled with a feeble conception of worth in others.

The elders in their infinite wisdom recognized the enormity of their contribution to the well-being of their subjects. Like European monarchy and rulers everywhere, this entitled them to power, leisure, worldly goods, and other privilege. The working folk, those carrying out their orders, might not need meat, travel, naps, electricity, and fine clothes, but it was obvious that they (and their families) could not be expected to dispense the will of God without them.

One famously frustrated leader in the Father Ministry was Cornelia on the Farm in Alaska. When the wrong kind of window, fabulous, but wrong, was installed in her home, she promptly broke it to make sure her orders were carried out more precisely in the future.

Although the general members of the Move were not allowed to kiss or hold hands before marriage, elders had sex with women other than their wives, even underage girls. It seemed there was little these special human beings were denied. Animal Farm, Lord of the Flies.

Few elders rivaled Katherine Chapman in terms of power. She maintained her position of ruler despite not being terribly likeable or well liked. It was rumored that she was the source for that old maxim, "beauty might only be skin deep, but ugly goes all the way to the bone" and she was as mean as she looked. Comparing her face to that of a grizzly bear was unfair to bears, but that didn't stop anyone. Her upside-down mouth made it hard to tell when she smiled, which is not to say that she did. Sometimes we wondered if she didn't wake up with the idea of finding joy and killing it. She found calling a special meeting to scold me about the flower in my hair a good use of the leaders' time. Remember, I'm seventeen years old with no family around and always in trouble for something.

Once when she was out of town (shining a light on the evil in those not blessed to live nearby) some brave soul put up a basketball net. Somehow she smelled joy a mile and a half down the road. She had that evil hoop removed before her heels hit the driveway. A year later, in Duluth 110 miles away, a group from the church went out for pizza after a trip to the mall. I made the mistake of talking about it in front of her. The kind, yet scolding words I heard from others confused me. If god was in the elders why did they need to hide such things from each other? How could god disagree with himself?

Only in New Orleans could a drunken, schizophrenic preacher rise to sainthood. The Almighty, in his divine wisdom, recognizes that Sam needs a job and offers him the open position of international voice of God. He will usher in a new era. He and he alone will lead God's people, much like Moses, into the Promised Land. All they have to do is sell their homes, leave their families and follow him into the Wilderness. And so they did. Thousands of them. Thousands from all walks of life.

If the world as we know it won't exist for more than five years, there?s no need to prepare for the future. This gave overwhelmed families a reprieve from the never-ending traditional to do list.

  • Educate the kids
  • Plan for retirement
  • Finish college
  • Develop a career
  • Lower your cholesterol

Hell, Sam Fife says that by celebrating birthdays we?re killing ourselves. One more thing to scratch from that burdensome list, bake a birthday cake for Susie. Instead, we?ll take up the important work of bringing in the new era;

To Do:

  • Buy outdoor gear at Andy and Bax
  • Pray for Ronald Reagan to be elected president
  • Prepare for the birth of the Manchild
  • Avoid worldly things
  • Keep the youth from fornicating